The Aurora Anniversary: What Eight Years Can Teach Us about Trauma
It’s hard to believe it’s been eight years since the theater shooting in Aurora. It goes without saying that it was tragic, painful, and had a ripple effect throughout the world. Although eight years have passed, trauma researcher and author Dr. Bessel van der Kolk got it right, the body does keep the score. For some people, a trauma anniversary can be a fleeting thought. A knowing that the significant date or time is approaching. A mental note of time passing each year. For others, it’s more stealthy, sneaking up on us out of the blue. It feels more sudden. It feels more invasive. It’s memory is locked more in the body than the mind. For those of us who are intimately connected to the 12 victims and more than 70 people injured in the Aurora theater shooting, we know and feel it coming long before July 20th each year.
I’ll admit, eight years in, there are still moments where it feels like a lifetime ago. So you can imagine my surprise when I woke up in a funk Sunday morning and couldn’t place it. There was no stressor. There was no logical reason for my moodiness. After some mental digging and reflection, I metaphorically slapped my forehead. Now it seems obvious! We were 24 hours away from the Aurora anniversary. An event that even my closest colleagues don’t realize was connected to my past and was influential in my development as a therapist. And like others, my body keeps a record. A mental file cataloging each hurt and trauma.
It always surprises clients when I share how our bodies are equipped to download painful or negative experiences more easily than positive ones. My clients keep their own records. They’ve practiced listening and identifying what they need when death anniversaries or trauma anniversaries come around. Do they need to stay busy? Take a day of rest? Stay in bed? Allow grief to take the reins? This year, my body decided I was going to experience anticipatory grief for the Aurora anniversary that followed the next day. My body keeps the score. We don’t always get to pick and choose how to react or feel. Sometimes it hits us like a truck, unable to be ignored. Recognizing we all want to feel like we can handle what comes up, here are some ideas for managing your own trauma anniversaries and their presence in your life.
Move your Muscles
There is no reason you have to white-knuckle it or just suffer through a trauma memory. Movement is helpful for anxiety, depression and trauma, reducing the discomfort that comes with them. Movement helps people think and process, which is why it is a vital element of Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR), a popular therapy for healing trauma events. Experiment with movement. Pace, stretch, walk, jog. It can release uncomfortable sensations and increase endorphins that improve mood in the process.
Crying is Cathartic
I can’t tell you how many dozens of people have apologized to me for crying. Crying is okay! Crying is important. Crying is cathartic. Allow space for tears to fall uninterrupted and without judgement. Allow it to release some of tension from your shoulders, your stomach, your jaw. You might just find that your sudden tension headache is gone along with that lump in your throat.
Holding Hugs
The calming, supportive presence of a hug from someone you love can regulate your sympathetic nervous system, also known as your fight or flight response. Receiving a hug from a loved one can regulate your breathing and heart rate to match theirs, allowing you to feel comforted and more at ease.
Trauma anniversaries are a part of the human grief and loss experience. They aren’t meant to be suppressed or ignored, even though we wish we could bury them to avoid the pain. My grief showed up more stealthy this year, inspiring me to reach out to others and normalize the experience of the body keeping score. It’s painful. It’s difficult. It’s necessary. Our trauma responses have a lot to teach us, and on the eighth anniversary of Aurora, I’m grateful we can honor each other’s experiences on the path to healing.
