Mommy Wants Mayonnaise: September 30, 2022
Dear Mommy Wants Mayonnaise,
My wife is a bit of a germaphobe and after having the baby poop in the tub once, she doesn’t want to give her baths anymore. She thinks showers are more sanitary which is probably true but I think bath time is important for play and bonding. How can I get her to reconsider?
-Bathtime Fan
Hi Bathtime,
It sounds like this activity is not your wife’s favorite but don’t lose hope! Are you open to taking the lead with bathtime in wanting it to remain a bonding activity with your child? How can bathtime be structured for her to participate? For example, can she be the one to start the water and help your child pick bubblebath and toys to play with whereas you might elect to do the cleanup portion and pjs after? Being a team to tackle the logistics might help her feel more comfortable and engaged in the pleasant parts of bathtime, including soothing touch, smell and relaxation as well as play. Bathtime might not be a nightly occurrence for your wife but finding a healthy compromise is possible with a little exploration and planning.
Dear Mommy Wants Mayonnaise,
I want to donate my eggs to another woman who wants to have children and my parents are strongly against this idea. Thankfully my spouse is on board, but everytime I bring up the preparation and next steps to move forward with donation, my parents try to change my mind. How can I get them to respect my wishes?
-Determined to Donate
Hi Determined,
Donating your eggs is a very intentional decision based on the extensive process a woman goes through and I’m hearing your determination! What are your parents most worried about regarding this experience for you? Are there fears that can be addressed or reassurances given? Information to provide on the process? I imagine you’ve done your best to share openly about how this decision is right for you, and with the support of your spouse behind you. Ultimately, it’s your decision and some boundaries may need to be reinforced for your parents to stop trying to change your mind. What would those boundaries sound like for you? “Mom and Dad, this is important to me and I understand the risks and the rewards. I’m moving forward in the process and I would love your support.” Try a couple things out on your spouse if they are willing, then deliver the message with confidence to your parents. Hopefully they will take it as permission to step back and honor your boundaries.
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Khara is a Licensed Mental Health/Financial Therapist and mom in Denver, Colorado. This column is meant for educational purposes only and does not represent advice or replace a trained professional. Any resemblance to actual persons, places, or events is purely coincidental. If you are struggling with your mental health, please dial 988 to talk with a trained professional.
