Mommy Wants Mayonnaise: August 19, 2022
Dear Mommy Wants Mayonnaise,
I’m a nursing mama and the tracking of time between feedings is really starting to get to me. I feel like the days go so fast and I can’t get anything done. My son eats every two hours and after each feeding, it’s really more like having an hour and a half window. I’m starting to feel resentful of not being able to do anything social or meaningful that doesn’t fit into an hour time span. Am I being selfish?
-Irritated Time Keeper
Hi Irritated,
The demands of nursing can be tough the first couple months. As your son gets bigger, he will be able to go longer between meals, freeing up some much wanted space in your schedule. In the meantime, do you have family or friends who would offer to help feed him a bottle so you get a break once in awhile? If you are exclusively breast feeding, are there activities that feel restorative that fit into an hour easily, like coffee or a walk with a friend? Is the time between nursing a time for rest or meditation, allowing your mind to wander and plan the future in not being able to act on something in the present? Something I heard a lot at this stage was ‘sleep when the baby sleeps’ which felt hard at first in wanting to get other things done. However, I felt closer to my daughter in cuddling and taking naps with her, and my irritation was measured by how much sleep I got, dramatically decreasing with the naps taken together between feedings.
Dear Mommy Wants Mayonnaise,
The holidays are coming up and our family has started to ask about our plans to come visit. We usually alternate between the grandparents for Thanksgiving and Christmas, but our twins are not yet a year old and the thought of traveling with them this early by plane makes me break into a sweat. My wife feels the same way but doesn’t want to upset the family. How do we communicate that we won’t be traveling for the holidays this year without disappointing family members?
-Definitely Home for the Holidays
Dear Definitely,
It’s totally understandable that the idea of traveling for the holidays with kids is daunting, especially when you have two under one year old! This is a time where being a unified front with your wife can help, ensuring that you both have the same message for family members who ask. What’s a clear message you can both convey to the kids’ grandparents? Some couples have found pointing out the stress and cost of traveling as a barrier. Others have taken the route of saying they want to start creating traditions at home and offer to host family who want to come visit instead. It is not uncommon for young families to set limits on travel, creating a shift to hosting or having holiday plans at home where extended family are invited to partake. Is this something that could work for you and your wife? If not the holidays, is there another time where traveling makes more sense for you and the twins? Whatever the message, deliver it with confidence and compassion to family members, making it clear that there won’t be a change of plans and they are invited to brainstorm another option with you instead.
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Khara is a Licensed Mental Health/Financial Therapist and mom in Denver, Colorado. This column is meant for educational purposes only and does not represent advice or replace a trained professional. Any resemblance to actual persons, places, or events is purely coincidental. If you are struggling with your mental health, please dial 988 to talk with a trained professional.
